


WE DIDN'T START THE FIRE

by panyang



Series: COME AND GET YOUR LOVE [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: (gestures vaguely) stan twitter, Attempt at Humor, Crack Treated Seriously, Domestic Fluff, Hijinks & Shenanigans, M/M, Social Media, mentions of a whole lotta other folks we know and love!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:46:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26245909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panyang/pseuds/panyang
Summary: The Great Olympic Cook-OffsBy Isabelle Toby, Buzzfeed StaffBe the first to comment!We’ve been following the Kageyama-Hinata partnership both on and off the court, and if you’ve done the same, you know that the two have been running the world’s longest and most elaborate rivalry, the most recent addition being the Great Olympic Cook-Offs. Shoyo, of course, after having been Twitter-shamed, was not about to back down. According to Bokuto Koutaro, a fellow Olympian and member of the Japanese National Volleyball Team, the two have taken their competition to the next level. Last week they...Continue ReadingOr, Hinata moves into Kageyama's apartment and tries to bake. It evolves into a showdown, and devolves into several viral tweets.
Relationships: Hinata Natsu & Hinata Shouyou, Hinata Natsu & Oikawa Tooru, Hinata Shouyou & Oikawa Tooru, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Kageyama Tobio & Oikawa Tooru
Series: COME AND GET YOUR LOVE [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2006149
Comments: 44
Kudos: 329
Collections: My favorite haikyuu fics





	WE DIDN'T START THE FIRE

**Author's Note:**

> biggest thank you to swc for cheering me through the stupidest fic of my life/not blocking me as i tweeted relentlessly about this for like WEEKS + pat who also helped read through some of the early versions of this fic!
> 
> i know im 12 billion years late to the kghn disaster kitchen fics but i'd had a rough couple weeks and i just wanted to write something silly and fun, so i hope this puts a smile on your face :-)
> 
> OH and quick disclaimer, the twitter handles/writer names i used are made up, any similarities to any persons are purely coincidental and all that

Kitchens are battle zones.

Tobio had learned this from his mother, who loves him and Miwa dearly, but will wield a slotted spoon like an axe when disturbed in meal prep. He knows this from sharing one with Hinata, who also loves him dearly, but cannot promise that their home will remain intact post-stove duty. One would assume that by now Hinata has learned how to cook well, or at least safely, but his Safe Cooking Repertoire is currently limited to three dishes he cycles through the week, and more often than not he will pull a recipe off of the Internet and say, "I am making this for dinner, it's going to be great!"

Great is a gamble. Tobio knows the landline number of their favorite Indian place by heart.

Anyway, kitchens are battle zones. And in every war, there is a catalyst.

In this one, it is the cupcakes. Or maybe it had been The Omelet. Or maybe it started because years later they still carry with them that deep-seated need to be better than each other. But that no longer matters. It only matters that Hinata does not back down from a challenge, that _"I bet you can't crack an egg with just one hand,"_ is one, and that the person who issued it is Tobio. 

There's a lot that's going on in here. The first is that it's nine pm, and according to the Olympic team's nutritionist, cupcakes do not count as dinner. 

"I understand," Hinata had said to sweet, sweet Chika-san, who only wants the best for her team. Hinata wasn't lying when he said that. It's just that Chika's jurisdiction as team nutritionist does not always extend to their apartment. And Hinata is lawless. Anyone who knows him personally would agree. Right now he's standing in the world's worst apron, wooden ladle in hand and dripping batter all over their floor. The apron had been a gag gift from Tanaka-senpai, a housewarming present of sorts. The front of it is printed with the torso of a very buff, very shirtless dude, and Hinata loves it. 

"I remember another one," Hinata continues. They've got a table between them and he looks a little like he might just jump on it to prove a point. "I did it that time I made you breakfast in bed!" 

Tobio winces, like the memory brings him pain. That's because it does, actually. 

"One-handed," Tobio starts, and then his hands go up to his face and just twitches there, like he doesn't know what to do with them, "because you crushed the egg in your fist."

"But one-handed," Hinata repeats. 

"But _shells_ in my breakfast."

To those of you who do not know, there is no version of hell quite like the first bite into a delicious looking omelet, only to have your mouth stabbed with moderate to severe pain by an evil demon eggshell. That, and the canker sore that will come immediately after said eggshell stabbing. Tobio knows this because it is an experience straight out of his first week after giving Hinata a key to his apartment. One morning he woke up to Hinata carrying a plate of The Omelet into their bed, the sound of angels singing filling his ears. Tobio first thought had been, "I am so in love with you," and then "Why am I bleeding out of my mouth." They had a very long, very difficult afternoon practice after that.

_"What's with him?" Bokuto had asked, nodding towards Kageyama. He hasn't stopped running his tongue over the hole in the roof of his mouth, and according to Iwaizumi-san he looked like he was constipated._

_Hinata shrugs like he doesn't know. “I think he bit his cheek while having breakfast, or something." Kageyama glares at the back of his skull so hard that Hinata feels it like it’s a physical thing._

There's a resounding _pop!_ from behind Hinata and the two of them flinch. When they straighten back up, smoke is billowing out of his brand new Westinghouse oven and is filling the kitchen in grey puffs.

"It's like a music video," Hinata says. What fucking part of smoking oven is like a music video, he wants to ask, but it's too late. Hinata has grabbed his keys, gone out the door with a quick, "I'm getting us takeout, love you, bye!" and he is most definitely still wearing his buff shirtless man apron. Above him, the smoke alarm starts to go off.

Maybe giving Hinata his own keys was the true catalyst.

People often assumed that Hinata was the better cook. The problem with this was the implication that Hinata was better than him at anything, and even though Tobio himself doesn’t have much to offer food-wise, he’s still only caused two mass evacuations to Hinata’s four. He’s not sure why their landlord puts up with them. Or their neighbors. But then again, Hinata has that bashful, scratch-the-back-of-your-head-apology down pat, and if he were made to face up against that, he’d forgive him for anything too. 

So it’s a stroke of pure genius when he decides to expose Hinata's cooking skills on Twitter. Now, Tobio isn’t big on social media. His Facebook account is private and unused, he's forgotten the password to his Instagram, and his Twitter only exists because Hinata made him make one in their second year. He has a grand total of eight tweets, half of which Hinata made for him, and his forty-something likes are all just video clips from an account called Volleyball Daily. 

Point is, he’s not a Twitter person, you know? Too many buttons. Posts disappearing before he can interact with them. Twitter asks him _What’s happening?_ , and he’s not sure what to say, because the only thing that’s ever happening is volleyball. 

So after dinner, he thinks, right before they go to bed. When Hinata is warm and drowsy and full of tandoori chicken, Tobio will strike. He'll tweet a photo of his ruined oven and the godforsaken cupcake tray and even if only seven people see, Bokuto will somehow catch wind of it and they’ll all make fun of him at practice tomorrow.

Hinata won’t know what hit him.

* * *

**Kageyama Tobio** @KagTobio9 • 2 minutes ago

shoyo made cup-cakes. they’re terrible

[image] [image]

[image] 

**0 Retweets 2 Likes 1 Reply**

**Show this thread**

**|**

**Kageyama Tobio** @KagTobio9 • 33 secs ago

ugly **@ninjashoyo**

**0 Retweets 1 Like 0 Replies**

* * *

The notifications start rolling in past midnight. It starts off fairly slow; some five short pings over the course of ten minutes, nothing bothersome enough to really wake him. A few more minutes later and his phone has kept going, moving him into that hazy kind of wakefulness, just barely aware of the sound in his periphery. He keeps his eyes squeezed shut and ignores it. It’s probably just a bunch of messages from Bokuto, who likes to text in broken off sentences. 

But then ten more arrive. And then another ten. And then _more._ Bokuto must be having the time of his life laughing at the incinerated cupcake tray. He sits up, mildly annoyed, and unlocks his phone. 

His Twitter is _freaking out._ Ping after ping after ping--he has to move out of the bedroom and into the living room, worried that he’d wake Hinata who was now moving restlessly under the sheets. An hour later, his phone is still sounding off non-stop, the back of it growing hot in his hands and he doesn’t know what to do. He tries opening the app, maybe look at one of the ten billion buttons to see what would get it to shut up, but notification bubbles keep popping up on the top of his screen that freezes his phone, leaving him unable to fiddle with the settings. An exhausting thirty minutes later the constant pinging finally drained his phone of it’s battery, and was now sitting uselessly on the couch. 

“What the hell,” he breathes to himself, eyes bloodshot. He scans the clock on the far wall, notes that it’s past two now. He heads to the kitchen for a glass of milk, and chooses not to charge his phone before climbing back to bed.

* * *

**EMMA** 🧁 @velvetred • 3 hours ago

kageyama tobio: highly regarded olympic athlete, very private, doesn’t really go on twitter

also kageyama tobio: HI TWITTER MY BOYFRIEND CANT BE LEFT ALONE IN THE KITCHEN

**54 Retweets 678 Likes 12 Replies**

**Replies**

**G says STREAM FOLKLORE** @afterglowss • 2 hours ago

>> **@velvetred** LMAO IKR also did u see hinata’s replies !!! they’re so cute im FURIOUS lol

* * *

“Bakageyama!” Hinata’s voice is loud and pounding little cracks into his skull. There’s the crisp sound of blinds being pulled open, and he feels the harsh glare of sunlight hit his face almost immediately. He groans, disgruntled, and rolls to turn away from their open window. “What have you done!” Hinata continues.

“What are you talking about,” he mumbles against the pillow, voice rough.

“You’re trending on Twitter!” Hinata says, and his eyes shoot open. He sits up, still disoriented, and rubs at his face. “What?” 

Hinata flashes his own phone at Tobio. It’s his tweet from last night. “I can’t believe you went viral before me,” Hinata says, like that’s the problem right now. Tobio blinks at it for a few moments, and then asks, “Why wasn’t your phone ringing with all the notifications?"

"Oh my God,” Hinata throws his head back and laughs. “You don’t filter out notifications from people you don’t follow.”

* * *

**Kageyama Tobio** @KagTobio9 • 5 hours ago

shoyo made cup-cakes. they’re terrible

[image] [image]

[image] 

**9.4k Retweets 12.4k Likes 1.2k Replies**

**Show this thread**

**|**

**Kageyama Tobio** @KagTobio9 • 5 hours ago

ugly **@ninjashoyo**

**6.9k Retweets 10.7k Likes 324 Replies**

**More Replies**

**Oikawa Tooru 🗸** @OikawaTooruOfficial • 4 hours ago

>> **@KagTobio9** what the hell are these omg **@ninjashoyo**??!!

**866 Retweets 8.4k Likes 163 Replies**

**|**

**SHOYO!** @ninjashoyo • 1 hour ago

>> **@OikawaTooruOfficial** theyre lemon cupcakes oikawa-senpai :( and youre so rude kageyama, i'd like to see U bake!!?!

**2.2k Retweets 10.2k Likes 533 Replies**

* * *

"Oh my God,” Hinata throws his head back and laughs. “You don’t filter out notifications from people you don’t follow.”

“I don’t,” he replies. “How do you do that?”

“Give me your phone,” Hinata says, extending his hand. “I’ll fix it for you.” he turns to their nightstand, and then reaches underneath his pillow before remembering. “I didn’t charge it.” 

“What? Why not?” Tobio always charges his phone while he sleeps, even though the Apple Store employee told him specifically not to charge while you sleep, because if you leave your phone plugged on for too long you’ll screw up your battery.

“The ringing drained it last night, and if I turned it on it’d just. Keep ringing.”

“Oh my god,” Hinata laughs some more. “You could have just set your phone to silent.”

* * *

**SHOYO!** @ninjashoyo • 18 minutes ago

I know we’re all enjoying my cupcakes but can we also enjoy the fact that bakageyama doesnt know how to customize notifs and that all ur rts drained his battery!! LOL

**89 Retweets 287 Likes 11 Replies**

**Show this thread**

|

 **SHOYO!** @ninjashoyo • 18 minutes ago

His solution to his phone blowing up is to just leave it turned off so he doesn’t get notifications and you’re all busy making fun of MY baking 

**34 Retweets 102 Likes 6 Replies**

**Replies**

**Oikawa Tooru 🗸** @OikawaTooruOfficial • 13 minutes ago

>> **@ninjashoyo** did u know he EMAILED ME like a NEANDERTHAL asking me what to do abt his phone ringing n vibrating 

**15 Retweets 221 Likes 12 Replies**

|

 **SHOYO!** @ninjashoyo • 3 minutes ago

>> **@OikawaTooruOfficial** OIKAWA-SENPAI LOL WHATD DID U REPLY

**2 Retweets 87 Likes 1 Reply**

|

 **Oikawa Tooru 🗸** @OikawaTooruOfficial • 3 minutes ago

>> **@ninjashoyo** i told him to put it up his ass lololol 😇😇

**121 Retweets 644 Likes 35 Replies**

* * *

**milla 🚀🚀 happy sasha day!!** @folkloring • 6 hours ago

kageyama tobio making fun of hinata's cooking is such a boyfriend thing to do theyre so cute im so annoyed 🥺🥺

**16 Retweets 77 Likes 3 Replies**

**Show this thread**

**|**

**milla 🚀🚀 happy sasha day!!** @folkloring • 6 hours ago

fav this if u wanna be my boyfriend who makes fun of my cooking 🤗

**2 Retweets 23 Replies**

**|**

**milla 🚀🚀 happy sasha day!!** @folkloring • 4 hours ago

i hate all of u ?? wow

**42 Likes 7 Replies**

* * *

**BUZZFEED CELEBRITY**

**The Great Olympic Cook-Offs**

By Isabelle Toby, Buzzfeed Staff 

Posted 8 hours ago Updated 1 hour ago

**Be the first to comment!**

  
  


Do you have a Twitter account? If yes, you most definitely have already seen this. You probably also feel much better about your cooking, whether you suck at it or you're a pro, because as much as we love Olympic superstars Hinata Shoyo and Kageyama Tobio, we wouldn't recommend leaving them in alone in a kitchen. Team Japan Setter Tobio posted a photo of Shoyo’s lemon cupcakes Friday night, captioned with _shoyo made cup-cakes, they're terrible_ , and honestly? We agree. We haven’t even tried them! 

(image description: screenshot of Kageyama Tobio’s tweet.)

The athlete also later retweeted a reply to his post roasting said cupcakes. #BestBoyfriendAward?

(image description: screenshot of Kageyama retweeting a tweet from a user that says: _those look horrible. its like kindling put in cupcake liners.)_

I guess we can add this to the list of things the lovebirds will be competing against each other for, seeing as Hinata has issued a formal cook-off challenge on Twitter last night. Place your bets!

**Share This Article**

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* * *

**natsu natsu natsu** @hinatsuuu • 22 hours ago

pls stop asking me how he is still alive after being alone abroad none of us know he’s Just Like That

**155 Retweets 987 Likes 35 Replies**

**Show this thread**

**|**

**natsu natsu natsu** @hinatsuuu • 5 hours

My mom and i are very good cooks, we dont know whats the matter with him

**12 Retweets 65 Likes 12 replies**

* * *

**Notifications**

**Oikawa Tooru 🗸 , Janice - check pinned!** and 23 others followed you!

\-----

Oikawa Tooru replied: pls little sister u have to teach him he’s offered to bake brownies for when i fly back to japan and i . cant

* * *

**natsu natsu natsu** @hinatsuuu • 2 hours ago

nooo stan accs dont follow me i dont actually tweet about nii-san unless its to make fun of him 

**15 Retweets 381 Likes 53 Replies**

**Replies**

**sasha! nineteen and on fire** @24sasha24 • 2 hours ago

>> **@hinatsuuu** no NO keep going thats exactly what we’re here for

**7 Likes**

* * *

**Notifications**

**sasha! nineteen and on fire, BELLE TOBY, Oikawa Tooru 🗸** and **278 others** liked your tweet.

\-----

Oikawa Tooru replied: little sister im not a stan account?? 

* * *

"You know what I think," Hinata says, mouth full over their shared bowl of mughlai biryani. They're on the floor having takeout on the coffee table, because tonight is slasher horror night, and _someone_ forgot to check if the frozen chicken in their fridge was still good.

"What," Tobio asks. The sound of shrieking fills the room from their television, but they both appear unperturbed by the gory spray proceeding on-screen. "We should bake cookies for the team to judge."

"That would be unfair," Tobio says almost immediately. "They'd all vote for you." Hinata makes a deeply disturbed face. "Are you.. agreeing that I'd be a better baker? Who are you and what have you done with my boyfriend?" Tobio uses his free hand to pinch Hinata's ear. "No, they're all like. A little in love with you."

"What? No." Hinata says. He waves his hand dismissively. "What are you talking about?"

Tobio pauses, mouth turning in thought. He's racking his brain for that one word Tsukishima used that time they got so fucked up that he admitted to having a crush on Hinata in high school. "Platonically," he finally says. "They're all in love with you, platonically."

"Whaaaaaaaat," Hinata says again, but less convincing this time.

It's true. They both know for a fact that everyone would vote for Hinata, because Hinata is everyone's favorite. Like, there are only two types of people in the world: people who would marry Hinata, and people who would adopt him. Platonically. Atsumu would fall into the first category. He's recently single and so, so transparent it would be laughable if it weren't so relatable. Bokuto would definitely adopt him, given the chance. He once referred to him as his son in an interview once, visibly realized his mistake, and just chose not to correct himself. He explains all of this to Hinata as he scrapes the last of the rice from the side of the bowl.

"You have this accidental advantage, it's just not fair at all." 

"We'll make it fair!" Hinata says. "Like, not tell them which ones are mine and which ones are yours. They'll just taste and decide which is better." It seems fair enough, so Tobio agrees. Monday morning practice arrives, and with it Judgement Day.

"Judgement Day? Why do you make it sound like these things will kill us," Yaku says. The whole team is gathered in the locker room, huddled around Hinata who is pulling two Tupperwares full of cookies out of his gym bag.

"No!" Hinata laughs. It sounds a little foreboding. "By judgement day, we mean like you judging our food." He clicks both tubs open and sits them side-by-side on the bench. 

“Why do they look like that,” Yaku asks. He points to a single cookie with the sides obviously trimmed off to give it a vaguely circular shape. So many questions. “We had to cut them up after baking ‘cause they were stuck together,” Tobio explains. “They melted in the oven.” “Expanded,” Iwaizumi corrects. He’s standing off to the side with his arms crossed, but is eyeing the cookies with… Interest? Fear? “Things expand when you bake them, not melt.” Tobio nods like he understands.

Bokuto is the first to reach for a cookie. He is also the first to throw up all over Sakusa's shoes. 

* * *

**BUZZFEED CELEBRITY**

**The Great Olympic Cook-Offs Part II**

By Isabelle Toby, Buzzfeed Staff 

Posted 5 hours ago

**Be the first to comment!**

  
  


The Great Olympic Cook-Offs are far from over, and we are not ashamed to admit that we've actually gotten invested in this.

In case you missed it, Olympic athlete Kageyama Tobio posted a photo of partner and fellow Olympian Hinata Shoyo's lemon cupcakes last week. They look inedible, but that's okay. He's very cute and also smiles so nice.

We’ve been following the Kageyama-Hinata partnership both on and off the court, and if you’ve done the same, you know that the two have been running the world’s longest and most elaborate rivalry, the most recent addition to it being the Great Olympic Cook-Offs. Shoyo, of course, after having been Twitter-shamed, was not about to back down. According to Bokuto Koutaro, a fellow Olympian and member of the Japanese National Volleyball Team, the two have taken their competition to the next level. Last week they held a little chocolate chip cookie baking competition, which their own teammates judged. The winner? A unanimous vote for Kageyama Tobio.

(image description: It is a single slightly blurry photo of the national team in their locker room from Yaku's Instagram story, with large block text that says _"A WIN FOR KAGEYAMA TOBIO, 1803 to 1799"_ Off to the side, Hinata can be seen lying prone on the bench, with Bokuto standing behind him and lifting Kageyama's hands in victory.)

This loss was a second blow to Hinata, but he's never been one to take a hit lying (face) down (on their locker room bench). Earlier this week he roped gamer-streamer and CEO of Bouncing Ball KODZUKEN into a pie making video, in which the player told us about how the cook-off came to be. He continued to make fun of Kageyama’s home cooking skills, and managed to get the gamer to spill some very cool stories of when they played volleyball in high school together. (YES, THEY PLAYED IN HIGH SCHOOL TOGETHER. WE’RE JUST AS SURPRISED AND THRILLED AS YOU!!) 

(image description: A screencap of KODZUKEN’s recent YouTube vlog, _shoyo and pies._ KODZUKEN is hiding his face in his hands but is visibly smiling, and Hinata is waving around a pin roller.)

Don’t worry, Kageyama, we promise we won’t make fun of that time you tried to saute Habaneros and basically pepper-sprayed yourself. Or that time that you missed out on a day of practice matches because you failed an exam and had to take supplementary classes (but we’re also looking at you, Hinata!)

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* * *

**SHOYO!** @ninjashoyo • 8 hours ago

just so u all know he won not because he bakes good, i just bake worse

**2.4k Retweets 6.1k Likes 451 Replies**

* * *

**Kageyama Tobio** @KagTobio9 • 5 hours ago

I will tweet about the time hinata made melted a pan accidentally while cooking

**1.4k Retweets 3k Likes 436 Replies**

**Replies**

**Oikawa Tooru 🗸** @OikawaTooruOfficial • 5 hours ago

>> **@KagTobio9** the way u phrased this sounded so threatening that it caught my interest. but then u texted me to ask how to make a thread

**265 Retweets 799 Likes 62 Replies**

* * *

**milla 🚀🚀** @folkloring • 7 hours ago

MELTED A PAN?? LOLOL DIDNT HINATA LIKE SPEND 10 YEARS ALONE IN BRAZIL SHOULDNT HE KNOW HOW TO COOK BY NOW

**6 Retweets 27 Likes 8 Replies**

**Replies**

**Oikawa Tooru 🗸** @OikawaTooruOfficial • 7 hours ago

>> **@folkloring** wym 10 years, how old do u think the guy is?? IM older than him, how old do u guys think i am????

**48 Retweets 91 Likes 2 Replies**

|

 **milla 🚀🚀** @folkloring • 7 hours ago

>> **@OikawaTooruOfficial** WHY ARE U HERE HOW DID U FIND ME

**2 Retweets 54 Likes 12 Replies**

* * *

Kageyama Tobio quoted: twitter.com/OikawaTooruOfficial/status/490324059274...

This isnt about you oikawa-san 

[ **Oikawa Tooru 🗸** @OikawaTooruOfficial • 7 hours ago

>> **@folkloring** wym 10 years, how old do u think the guy is?? IM older than him, how old do u guys think i am????]

* * *

Last night's practice was rough.

Kageyama wakes up feeling sore and heavy, and seriously contemplating sleeping in. But they have morning practice today too, so he drags himself out of bed and heads to the kitchen to make coffee. Hinata is already there. The stove is turned on without a pan, just the flame crackling on high.

"I have an idea," Hinata says. He pulls a knife out of the kitchen block and it makes a menacing sound.

Kageyama blinks. "Good morning to you, too."

* * *

**SHOYO!** @ninjashoyo • 19 hours ago

Hello followers!!!! Please vote to see who has made better pancakes, me or Bakageyama!! @KagTobio9

[image] [image]

**6.6k Retweets 9.3k Likes 895 Replies**

**Replies**

**Oikawa Tooru 🗸** @OikawaTooruOfficial • 10 hours ago

>> **@ninjashoyo** both of these look awful and i cant tell which is yours but i’m voting for you by virtue of our powerful friendship chibi-chan!!

**34 Retweets 1.4k Likes 22 Replies**

|

 **SHOYO!** @ninjashoyo • 9 hours ago

>> **@OikawaTooruOfficial** HELLO!! oikawa-senpai!! the one with barbecue sauce is mine!!!

**1.2k Retweets 1k Likes 2.7k Replies**

* * *

**Oikawa Tooru** 🗸 @OikawaTooruOfficial • 4 hours ago

s????BARBERECUE SAUECE???

**12.1k Retweets 17k Likes 3.9k Replies**

**Replies**

**Kageyama Tobio** @KagTobio9

>>@OikawaTooruOfficial you should have seen the knife

2k Retweets 4.7k Likes 1.7k Replies

* * *

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**Not Kevin #BARBERECUE SAUECE** @settertobios • 2 hours ago

NOT HOW BARBECUE SAUCE IS TRENDING I HATEHEHSHSHEHEH

**66 Retweets 332 Likes**

* * *

**kim 🎂 sasha day!** @setterbabe • 2 hours ago

i wonder how kage/hina's families feel knowing they cannot be left alone in a kitchen to make food and yet are somehow . left alone in a kitchen to make food 

**2 Retweets 66 Likes 3 Replies**

**Replies**

**natsu natsu natsu** @hinatsuuu • 2 hours ago

>> **@setterbabe** mom and i are clueless as to how they are still alive, actually

**32 Retweets 487 Likes 5 Replies**

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 **sasha! nineteen and on fire** @24sasha24 • 2 hours ago

>> **@setterbabe** JAJDJDKS KIMMMM NATSU NOTIXED U LMAKDJDJ

**7 Likes**

  
  
  


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Two weeks before their anniversary, Tobio phones Natsu to ask her to teach him how to cook egg on rice as a surprise for Hinata . He asks her to keep it under wraps, so that means no Instagram stories or vague tweets, because Hinata's fans have migrated from their twitter accounts to hers. Natsu secretly revels in the attention, and takes any chance she gets to embarrass them both. "Okay," is all Natsu all says. "I'm not a monster."

He still finds out about it almost immediately, but it’s entirely Tobio's fault. He had forgotten that on Thursdays Hinata does the groceries for his mom, so he’d walked into the kitchen to see Natsu bossing him around with a ladle, and then promptly dropped his bags on the dinner table with a clatter. 

"You," Hinata had said. He has an accusatory finger pointed at Tobio's nose. "You're using my sister to beat me in the cook-offs." Then stormed off.

"Was he always this dramatic," Tobio asks. Natsu clicks her tongue. 

"Loud, yes. Dramatic, no. Brazil changes people." She sets the ladle down and reaches back to undo her apron. "Stay here, I’ll go talk to him."

Tobio listens in on their conversation in the living room from behind the doorway, just out of sight, while Natsu explains the situation with the thin, barbed-wire kind of patience all sixteen year old girls share.

"But you're helping him," Hinata insists. He's standing in front of her with his arms crossed, shoulders pulled back to draw him to his full height. Still not much, even now, but he's got the broad shoulders to make up for it.

"You're overreacting, I told you: it has nothing to do with the competition."

"You've never taught _me_ how to cook!” he exclaims. “Kageyama asks you once and you say yes without second thought. I had to fend for myself in Brazil, you know." Tobio can almost hear the way she is rolling her eyes right now. "Yes nii-san, we've established that you lived abroad by yourself." To be fair, Hinata does bring this up very often. Tobio just never had the guts to tell him it's a little too often, so he decides to thank the universe for Natsu.

"When did you get so mean?" Hinata asks, sounding comically scandalized. “And I just can't believe you're on his side." Tobio peers out and sees him flop down on the couch beside her. 

"I never said anything about being on anyone’s side," Natsu says. "And aren't you supposed to be touched?"

He lets out a huff. "I am," he says slowly. "I always thought that the stories about people learning how to cook their boyfriend’s favorite food were just things people made up." Natsu laughs a little.

There's a pause before Hinata lays his head on her shoulder and she pats his cheek. "I'm so dumb." he sighs."You really are," Natsu tells him, shaking her head. "He didn't even bring up your dumb contest, I think he really did just want to make a nice dinner for you." Hinata sighs, dragging a palm down across his face.

"I don't know, I was thinking like, what if it's a part of an intricate plan to be a better cook than me--"

"No one needs an intricate plan to be a better cook than you," she interrupts.

"--but then if he really did just want to make my favorite without ulterior motives, then that would mean he's the world's best boyfriend and I'm the worst!" he exclaims. He's blushing red from both the embarrassment and fondness and a terrible part of Tobio wishes he could take a picture to use against him for later.

"Don't you guys give each other breaks with the competition things?" Natsu asks. They don't, but they probably should. One time she'd told him that thinking about how competitive they are gives her a bit of a migraine. It shows on her face now, and Hinata pokes at her forehead.

"We don't, but that's kinda our thing. Like a third love language."

Tobio smiles privately. Sure, Hinata can be a little dumb sometimes (who isn’t?) but then once in a while he just says things like this and it’s sincere and loving and rings so true, even if it's not something other people understand. It only matters that it's _theirs,_ it's their language, their own personal brand of love.

Tobio moves to make his presence known, to tell him he's not the world's worst boyfriend--definitely the most annoying, but also definitely the best, and the only one who could ever speak to him the way he does. The two of them, they’re weird sometimes, but it's okay, you know? Their weird works together. 

Natsu pipes up before they see him. "Like a sixth." Tobio halts.

"What?" Hinata asks. 

"There are five love languages. Your weird competition thingies would be a sixth."

"Whatever, that's the only one we use anyway."

The siblings stay like that for a few minutes; Tobio doesn't have it in himself at all to interrupt their moment. So instead he just looks at the two of them from behind--twin flame-orange heads leaning against each other over the cracked leather of the couch.

It turns out Natsu would be the one to interrupt said moment. "You don't ask nicely," she says to Hinata, and the moment dissipates into the air. Hinata gasps in mock offense. "I do too! I even got you those name-brand chocolates you like, which taste terrible, by the way. Just because something is expensive doesn't mean it's good."

Tobio nods to himself. Ferreros really aren't all that. Natsu just snorts beside him. "So what did he bribe you with, chocolates? Did he give you those Stray Kids tickets from last week?" Hinata asks. He's grinning now, looking cheeky and every bit like his usual self. Natsu only shakes her head, mouth drawn to a stiff line. "No, those were from Kozume-niisan. And he didn't get me anything, I'm just nice." 

"I'm not buying it," Hinata says. "You can tell me, I won't tell him I know." She pinches him in the arm and he jerks upright, laughing, before moving to settle back against her shoulder. "Like I said, nothing! I'm just a really good person."

There's a silence that follows. And then Hinata says, "Oh my god." Tobio sees him start to clap excitedly. "You still have a crush on Kageyama!" he squawks delightedly. Natsu makes an indignant noise and stands up so fast that Hinata falls over on the couch. Tobio scrambles to hide back behind the doorway. "No, I don't!" she says, looking panicked and wild-eyed.

"Oh my god," Hinata continues. "How does it feel, Nacchan, to be pining after your brother's boyfriend for years and years--"

Tobio doesn't see Natsu punch Hinata in the stomach. He definitely hears it though.

  
  
  


He’s just finished wiping down the sink when he feels Hinata wrap his arms around his torso and press his face to Kageyama’s back. 

“I’m sorry,” he says. “I got carried away and what I said was really mean and not on purpose, even if sometimes I’m mean to you on purpose and for fun.” Tobio turns, face soft, and he reaches his hands up to smooth the wrinkles off of Shoyo’s forehead. “You’re so stupid,” he says, pulling him close to hug him tight. Tobio wants to say he get it: they're a little complicated sometimes. Everything between them is competition, in one form or another, it just always has been.

Hinata sighs. "I just--I need to be better than you," he says earnestly. "for you." 

"I know," is Kageyama’s reply. “That’s me for you, too.” 

Natsu taps her ladle on the table impatiently, and they turn to her, surprised. “First of all, gross. Second, gross. Third, I thought you nerds wanted to learn how to cook?” She grips the ladle a little like you would a sword, and Tobio is reminded fondly of his mother.

"Yes!” Hinata says brightly, and peels himself away from Kageyama’s embrace. Then, “Do you think we should get one of those grate-y things you sit on the counter and like, slices potatoes into fries?”

"They're called mandolines," Natsu supplies helpfully. "And also no, both of you need all your fingers to play volleyball."

  
  


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**ninjashoyo  
** Kitchen, at Home!!!

[image]

Liked by **KagTobio9, KOUTARO.BO, hinata.natsu** , and **8932** **others**

**ninjashoyo** OK BUT LOOK HOW GOOD THIS LOOKS. BAKAGEYAMA MADE IT FOR ME. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, UR THE BEST!!!!!!! ALSO I MADE A NEW BATCH OF LEMON CUPCAKES NATSU HELPED LOOK HOW NICE THEY TURNED OUT

 **OikawaTooruOfficial** the location tag is sending me bc it feels like ur tryin to prove to us u guys havent gotten kicked out of ur apt yet LOLOLOL

 **OikawaTooruOfficial** ANYWAY HAPPY ANNIVERSARY U GROSS KIDS tell little sister congrats on the cupcakes

 **hinata.natsu** i would like to take at least 95% of the credit for the cupcakes, thats like my best batch ever

 **ninjashoyo @hinata.natsu** they were so good!! was the secret ingredient love??????

 **hinata.natsu @ninjashoyo** blocked! Blocked ur so BLOCKED

 **KagTobio9 @hinata.natsu** the cupcakes were very good natsu, thanks

 **ninjashoyo @KagTobio9** ur such a PLAYER. also did she reply bc i cant see it she blocked me for real

 **yachi.hitoka99** happy anniversary!!!you are both the cutest, we miss u!! tsukki says hi!!!!

**Author's Note:**

> YOU MADE IT!!! thank you for reading!!! this was so self-indulgent and such a happy fic to write even if its literally so stupid. if you liked it please let me know!! comments help flowers grow
> 
> ALSO much like natsu i absolutely love ferrero rocher but its just ... so overpriced ... please ... u r just a chocolate .. settle down.


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